7

I took a joint last night. I haven't done it in a while. It reminded me of all the things that I left behind: all the drugs, the alcohol, the girls, the parties, the money, and the fun. I have mixed feelings about them.

That joint helped me think about what I really want in life. I saw a cozy apartment unit; there was enough space for a small get-together; a view of the city skyscrapers and elegantly furnished interior. It was not big, probably 1000 sq ft. It was my own little fortress. I know I can make it there. But the dream seemed so distant, not in distance but in time, which made it seem even more distant. I'm certain that I can get that little apartment unit after graduation.

I wanted to see a girl there. In fact, I want a girl there. I have seen the darkest end of society, seen things that good people should not see, things that would make stomachs churn with disgust; yet the worst part is that there is nothing a single man can do about them. I need some comfort in my life. I soft, gentle touch. A lap where I can rest my head on; shoulders where I can cry on; arms that will embrace me and a voice that will comfort me. For too long I have struggled, I want some peace.

I see her in that little room with me. Does she see me too?