I got out into the cold autumn night. It wasn't as cold now as it first. I gotten used to the cold. I sat by a bench overlooking a field. It was empty tonight, and quiet. The wind blew gently. I took out my pack of Marlboro and lit up a stick. The sound of the cigarette burning in the night of autumn was satisfying.
I stared to think of all the choices I made to get here, to this foreign land. I had to stay here for the next 2 years. But already I felt bored with this place. I knew that my potential will be realized. However, It would not be any time in the near future. Time passed swiftly here. It already been a month since I got here.
I had a companion with me tonight. The autumn wind wishes to share my cigarette. I allowed it, for a while. The wind was greedy, he stole half of my stick. I lit up another. I think back to the time when I caught my mother smoking in her room. She tried to hide it, but I could smell the scent of tobacco on her. I was acquainted with that scent. She advised me not to smoke, yet she goes on doing the same. Ironic, is it not?
I hear the sound of cheering from a far. It must have been the soccer game. I tried to think of other thinks that were not important, to fill my mind with thoughts less toxic than the tobacco I was inhaling into me.
I saw the stick get shorter with each puff. I thought to myself, is my life the same? It becomes shorter with every breath I take, with or without the cigarette. My feet and hands were starting to get cold. I tasted the residue of Jack Daniels on my lips. My bladder was starting to fill from the water I drank earlier. It was time to leave.
But before I left, the thought which I sought to escape from caught on to me. I could not run from my true self anymore . I am a wolf, despite what others may think of me. They see me as kind and good. But I know the truth. I am but a wolf that wishes to be among sheep. So I dress myself in sheep's clothing. It is only during my time alone that I can truly be honest with myself.
My heart yearned for a person that will do the same - a person to be honest to me. I stepped on the stick of cigarette and took the unlit buds on the floor. I threw them into the trash. But I took up my sheep clothing and continued to wear it.